Secrets of the Barrows Brothers
by Kina Kalamari
Summary: Ever wondered exactly what the Barrows Brothers did in their spare time? Well, find out here, on "Guess the Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets"!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm going to dedicate this story to AnimeWolfGirl, even though she'll probably never read it, because it was her story, "Ask The Zelda Crew", that gave me the idea for this fic. Happy reading!**

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Kina: Welcome to the Barrows Channel! We're here to tell you the innermost secrets of the infamous Barrows Brothers.

Guthan: We are not! You said this was a game show!

Kina: Er…yeah…a game show. That's what I meant. And it's called…uh…Guess the Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets!

Verac: This may get old at some point…

Dharok: Where are we?

Ahrim: We're at some studio. Guthan was drawn in by the promise of a game show.

Dharok: Oh.

Torag: I feel like smashing something with my hammers…

Kina: No!! This is fragile and expensive equipment! Ahrim, watch your brother!

Ahrim: Nah.

Kina: What do you mean, 'nah'?

Ahrim: Just what I said. Nah.

Kina: But he needs to be kept under close surveillance. Look!

Torag: (smashing down front door with hammers)

Ahrim: So? That door isn't irreplaceable.

Kina: But…(sighs heavily) Never mind. So, Guthan-

Guthan: What?! Who died?

Kina: (looks around in confusion) Died? No one died. I was just going to ask you the first question, so pay attention. What is the stupidest thing that Dharok ever did?

Guthan: Hmm…tricky question. I'd say that would be the time that he decided to do a spinning attack on an enemy and nearly chopped his own head off. As it was he ended up cutting through quite a few tendons in his left arm.

Kina: I see. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?

Verac: Nope. Torag's not either. When he was little, Torag thought he could fly, so he jumped off the roof. Broke his arm and his leg.

Torag: (stops smashing door) I was three! I was _not_ responsible for my actions. The blame goes to him! (points at Ahrim) He's the oldest!

Ahrim: So? Just because Mom and Dad said that I was responsible for you brats doesn't make it my fault. You should have known better.

Torag: I was three!

Kina: Okay, okay, break it up. Let's not start off this show with an argument. Next question. Karil, what is Verac's deepest, darkest secret?

Karil: Uh…well, I think I'd probably have to say that it's the fact that he still sleeps with his teddy bear. But he may have a different one that I don't know about.

Verac: I do _not_ sleep with my teddy! Fuzzy is packed away-

Guthan: Fuzzy? Its name is Fuzzy?

Ahrim: Ah…clear evidence that he still sleeps with it. He knows its name, and it's a childish one at that.

Verac: Fuzzy is not an 'it', Fuzzy is a 'he'.

Ahrim: (facepalm) Need we say more?

Kina: Well, that's very…interesting.

Ahrim: Interesting is a good word. Or immature. Or just plain stupid. Pick one.

Verac: None of the above! How about cute?

Other five brothers: CUTE?!!!

Karil: Verac, are you feeling alright?

Ahrim: (puts hand on Verac's forehead) He does feel a little warm. Maybe he's coming down with the flu.

Verac: (brushes off hand) I'm fine! (coughs) Really!

Kina: If you're sick, get out! I don't want to catch it.

Verac: (sneezes) I'm not sick!

Torag: I'll get him out. (pulls out bag of pretzels) Here, Verac, boy!

Verac: (looks up)

Torag: (walks toward door) Come here, Verac!

Verac: (follows pretzels eagerly)

Kina: Phew! Thanks Torag. I can't risk getting sick. Who would host the show?

Ahrim: We'd manage…

Kina: No you wouldn't! That'd be dreadful! Anyway, next question. Dharok, who was Ahrim's first girlfriend?

Dharok: Well…uh…er…eh…I don't think he had one. Ever.

Karil: He's not very sociable. Kind of an introvert. A bit emo, even. He never really attracted the ladies.

Ahrim: (sulking) I'm not emo. And for your information, I had _plenty_ of ladies after me.

Guthan: Ri-ight. So why didn't you ever have a girlfriend?

Ahrim: They weren't my type.

Guthan: Uh-huh. If you say so.

Voice from outside: I'm telling you Kari, this place is deserted.

Another voice from outside: But I could swear I heard voices.

First voice: That just means you're going insane. There, look at the door. If this place was occupied the door would have been repaired.

Kina, Guthan, Ahrim, and Karil: (glares at Torag)

Torag: (sheepish smile)

Second voice: But this is Falador! Why would the door be destroyed at all?

First voice: Let's go in and find out.

(footsteps approach building)

Kina: (whispering) What do we do?

Ahrim: (also whispering) Hide?

(footsteps stop abruptly)

First voice: OMFG! You're supposed to be dead!

Ahrim: (looks up) Aw, crap.

Second voice: Uh…Ty? What's going on? (short pause) Oh…I see. Aren't they supposed to be dead?

Dharok: Uh…(looks at newcomers) Who are you two?

Owner of first voice: (stares for a minute) Oh…Right. I'm Lord Tylixe, and this is Commander Karimoyra. She's my second-in-command.

Commander Karimoyra: Call me Kari. Now, who are _you_? You can't be the Barrows Brothers. They're dead.

Ahrim: (facepalm) Not this again. 'But you're supposed to be dead!' Classic line. Very irritating. Sorry, Lord Tylixe, but you sort of fell into noob territory there.

Tylixe: I am NOT a noob! And if you ever call me one again, you will face my wrath!

Kari: Ty, don't start that. Your hollow threats are becoming irksome.

Tylixe: (scowls)

Ahrim: And yes, we are _supposed _to be dead. Or at least that's what everybody's supposed to think. We were getting sick of people constantly running up to us, asking for our autographs or our armor. So, we 'died'. And now you've found us out.

Torag: It's all her fault! (points at Kina)

Kina: Excuse me?! My fault? How?

Guthan: You're the one who dragged us out here for this game show!

Karil: Um…Guthan, you kind of volunteered us. Quite eagerly, if I remember correctly.

Guthan: I did not!

Karil: You did too!

Guthan: I did not!

Karil: Did too!

Guthan: Not!

Karil: Too!

Guthan: Not!

Karil: T-

Kina: ENOUGH!!!

(sudden silence)

Kina: That's better. Now, since you two have found us out, why don't you join us? We can't have you running around telling everyone the Brothers' secret.

Dharok: Yeah…we'd have to kill you. Like, kill you 'til you were dead.

Kina: But if you help us, we'll let you live.

Ahrim: What's with the 'we'? You're just some game show host who got in the way.

Kina: Humph. It's _my_ show. So, what do you guys think?

Tylixe: I will not be ordered around by anyone! I am Lord-

Kari: We'll think about it. Ty, come here a minute.

(goes over into corner)

(Tylixe follows)

(they converse)

Tylixe: Alright, we'll join your show. But I must be a prominent and important member. I will _not_ be anyone's subordinate.

Kina: Of course not! You'll be my equal. But I still get rights to executive decisions about the show.

Tylixe: (stony silence)

Kari: He agrees.

Tylixe: (glares at Kari)

Kina: Great! Now, back to the show! The next question is…

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**A/N: Thanks to my friend Alex for letting me use his RuneScape character, Tylixe. And Karimoyra is my character, but I don't have to thank myself. Hope you liked it! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, here's chapter two. And I'd like to give big thanks to the two people who were nice enough to review chapter one: Tylixe and Matt. Maybe we could get a few more for this chapter, eh?**

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Kina: The next question is…how old was Torag when he first learned to read?

Karil: Six and a half. He didn't pick up on it very quickly.

Guthan: He was better than Dharok; he didn't learn to read until he was ten.

Karil: And then there was Ahrim, who learned when he was two.

Ahrim: (smirking) As you can see, I'm much smarter than those idiots who call themselves my brothers.

Tylixe: Oh really? When did Karil learn to read?

Ahrim: When he was five.

Kina: Guthan?

Ahrim: Four and a half.

Kari: Verac?

Ahrim: Five.

Tylixe: Hm…I guess you were right.

Guthan: (scowls) He's full of himself. (whispers to Tylixe) Superiority complex, if you know what I mean.

Ahrim: I heard that!! And I do _not_ have a superiority complex! I just happen to be more intelligent than you imbecilic louts. I'm stating the facts, and if you don't like them, don't listen.

Guthan: You may be smarter, but we're stronger! Well, except Karil. He's kind of wimpy.

Karil: Hey!

Ahrim: You are stronger than me, but I'm smarter. See? We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. So quit yelling at me for saying I'm smarter.

Guthan: Humph.

Karil: I am not wimpy! Why am I wimpy?

Guthan: You use a _crossbow_. Enough said.

Karil: Why does that make me wimpy?

Guthan: Because you never use any muscle. So you never _develop_ any muscle. See? Makes sense.

Karil: Does anyone have a bench press?

Guthan: (snorts)

Kina: Okay, as interesting as it is to watch you two bicker, I am trying to run a show here, so let's get back to it.

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) Whoopee.

Tylixe: Enough with the sarcasm! It's getting on my nerves.

Ahrim: (rolls eyes again) Whatever.

Tylixe: What did I just say?!

Kina: Ahem. No bickering. Tylixe, you have the honor of asking the next question.

Tylixe: (rolls eyes) Whoopee.

Ahrim: Hypocrite!

Tylixe: (rolls eyes again) Whatever.

Ahrim: Grr…

Kina: Enough! Tylixe, ask the question.

Tylixe: Fine. Okay, which of you brothers is the lead dog, so to speak?

Four brothers currently in room: I am! (stare at each other)

Kari: Interesting. What does that mean?

Ahrim: I am, because I'm the oldest.

Karil: No, I am, because I'm the youngest.

Guthan: That makes no sense, Karil. I am, because my helmet has horns on it.

Karil: And that does make sense?

Dharok: I am, 'cause I've got a really big axe.

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) I hate to break it to you Dharok, but that really doesn't mean _anything_.

Dharok: Sure it does! It means I can cut peoples' heads off!

Kari: I have to say, Ahrim's is the only one that seems at all reasonable to me so far.

Karil: Well, if his was reasonable, so was mine.

Kari: Not really. Oldest means wisest, since it also means 'been around longer'. Which means more knowledge to lead with. Youngest means least experienced and most reckless. Forgive me for stereotyping, but with you guys it seems to fit.

Karil: Huh.

Guthan: What about my reason? I mean, it makes sense, right? I'm intimidating.

Tylixe: _You're_ intimidating? Ha! You want to see intimidating? Kari, go get my armor.

Kari: You get it! I'm not your servant, I'm your second-in-command, and will be treated as such!

Tylixe: Not this rant again. (closes eyes and pretends to snore)

Kari: You're despicable.

Kina: Okay you two. Break it up. We were in the middle of a quest-

(door bursts open)

Torag: Hi!

Kina: Err…hi. Where's Verac?

Torag: Resting. He has the flu.

Ahrim: Brilliant.

Dharok: No it's not.

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) Sarcasm, Dharok.

Dharok: Oh. Right.

Ahrim: You are so naïve sometimes.

Torag: I gave Verac crackers and ginger ale. Will that help?

Karil: Uh…I don't know…

Kari: Possibly. It didn't work with Ty, but I've heard it works with some people.

Tylixe: I've never had the flu!

Kari: I know. I was talking about the time you…ahem…'over-looked' the expiration date on the milk and were horrendously ill the entire next day.

Tylixe: Kari! That's not supposed to be public knowledge! (pause) I mean, she's lying! That never happened! I've never been sick in my life!

Kari: You're so sad, it's almost funny.

Tylixe: …

Kina: Well, this show seems to be turning into the secrets of the Barrows Brothers _and_ Lord Tylixe. Cool. Let's keep it up!

Tylixe: (facepalm)

Kari: Don't worry Ty, I'm sure she's kidding. You're a host now, remember?

Kina: Of _course_ I'm kidding. (smiles evilly)

Tylixe: Oh, dear Zamorak…

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**A/N: Please review! ;D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This story only has four reviews. :( But I'm going to keep writing it anyway, because it's extraordinarily fun to write. So, here's chapter three!**

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Kina: Good morning and welcome back to 'Guess the Secrets of the Barrows Brothers'!

Tylixe: (yawning) Kina, really, it's four o' clock in the morning. Can't this wait a little?

Kina: No! We need an early start to make sure to get the most out of it.

Torag: (stumbles out in pajamas) What's going on?

Kina: You wear _that_ to bed?

Torag: Yeah. What's wrong with it?

Kina: (smothering giggles) Duckies! Green duckies! (bursts into laughter) That (gasp) is so (gasp) fricken' (gasp) funny!

Torag: How insulting! I'm going back to bed! (leaves room)

Ahrim: (yawns) He's got the right idea, for once. I might just follow suit.

Kina: Come on you guys! Carpe diem! Seize the day!

Ahrim: _You_ seize it. We're going to wait until the sun comes up.

(everyone except Kina leaves room)

Kina: Party poopers.

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_(Five hours later)_

Kina: Okay, this time for real. Good morning and welcome to 'Guess the Secrets of the Barrows Brothers'!

Ahrim: Now that it's finally a decent hour.

Dharok: (yawns) It's not a decent hour. A decent hour is around noon or so.

Karil: He's not really a morning person.

Tylixe: Evidently.

Kari: Ty's not much of a morning person either. He's a real grouch if you go anywhere near him before nine.

Kina: Yeah, I discovered that this morning. Actually, no one here seems to be.

Kari: I see. I must have missed that little episode.

Kina: You were still in bed.

Tylixe: And you were saying _I_ wasn't a morning person? You didn't even wake up this morning when we were all being rudely awoken by Kina, who wanted to start the show at _four o' clock this morning._

Kina: Oh, get over it already! From now on I'll wait until at least eight to wake people up. Happy?

Tylixe: Slightly later would be nice, but I'll take what I can get.

Kina: Good. Now, the first question; how does it feel knowing that everyone thinks you're dead? Is it lonely? Enjoyable?

Dharok: Everyone thinks we're dead? When did that happen?

Torag: It's been that way for very, very long time.

Ahrim: Dharok's a little slow on the uptake. Takes a while for things to register.

Kari: A very, very _long_ while, apparently.

Kina: Wow. Okay then. Are those of you who are aware of this fact going to answer the question?

Karil: Yeah, sure. It's actually kind of nice. When we were 'alive', we had an awful lot of fans constantly banging on our door.

Guthan: Kind of got old after a while.

Torag: And this way, we can give people a _huge_ fright whenever they come across us. (grins evilly) Incredibly entertaining.

Tylixe: Yeah, that sounds like fun. (looks wistful) Maybe I should pretend to be dead.

Kari: Hate to break it to you Ty, but no one knows who you are. Wouldn't really have much effect.

Tylixe: I'm the Almighty Lord Tylixe! Everyone knows who I am!

Kari: (rolls eyes) Only in your dreams, sweetheart.

Tylixe: (stares) Did you just call me sweetheart? That's new…

Kari: (turns slightly red) It was sarcastic. I didn't mean it.

Tylixe: Oh really? Are you sure…?

Kari: (slightly red-cheeked stony silence)

Ahrim: Well, that was entertaining.

Torag: Quite.

Kina: Well, if you're all quite finished, how about we get on with the next question?

Guthan: You and your stupid questions. What is the point of this, exactly?

Kina: My questions aren't stupid, and the point of this is for people to learn more about you.

Ahrim: By telling them our deepest secrets? Hm, let me think about that for a minute…

Kina: Oh, you guys are impossible. Are you going to answer the questions or are you just going to complain about them?

Guthan: You say that like those are the only two options.

Kina: They are. Now pick.

Torag: Fine, we'll answer the questions. They're not that bad anyway.

Kina: Good. Now, just for that comment, Torag, you get to answer this next question. (smiles evilly)

Torag: Uh oh. Am I the only one getting a bad feeling about this?

Karil: Nope, but you're the only one that has to answer the question.

Torag: That's just great...

Kina: Have you ever screamed like a little girl?

Torag: What kind of question is _that_?!

Ahrim: He's avoiding the question, because yes, he has. A few times, actually.

Torag: I have not!

Guthan: I'm going to take this opportunity to point out the time he dropped one of his hammers on his own foot.

Ahrim: We all thought there was a banshee loose in the house.

Kari: He screamed like a banshee? Gosh Torag. I don't suppose you shattered the windows while you were at it?

Torag: They're exaggerating.

Guthan: Only a little.

Karil: I just thought of a better example; the time Verac stole his boots.

Ahrim: I think he almost got out of human hearing range, he got so high pitched.

Torag: …Exaggerating.

Kina: Why did he care so much about his boots?

Guthan: They were his lucky boots. Apparently they had little flowers stitched inside of them. He insists that they used to be Saradomin's boots.

Tylixe: Then why did he care about them? I would have burned them.

Kari: Uh…Ty, these guys are Saradominists. Remember? They're the good guys.

Tylixe: (gasp) Now I have to annihilate you! Only loyal Zamorakkians deserve to survive! (runs at Barrows Brothers)

Kari: (grabs Tylixe and attempts to restrain him) Stop! They're more powerful than you, and you don't even have your sword to even things out!

Tylixe: (struggling) Must…kill…Saradominists…

Kari: You'll just end up killing yourself. Besides, aren't the Barrows Brothers an exception? You've been trying to get Guthan's armor for the last three months!

Guthan: Really? I'm flattered.

Kari: Yes. Now come on Ty. Cut this out.

Tylixe: I…oh, fine. Now, Kari, let go of me. (attempts to regain his dignity) Where were we?

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**A/N: Review! :) Please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Chapter four! Hope you enjoy it! I certainly enjoyed writing it.**

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Kina: So, if I may ask, why don't you like Saradominists, Tylixe?

Tylixe: (gapes in horror)

Kari: Ty, close your mouth.

Tylixe: (snaps mouth shut) Why don't I like Saradominists?! They're the epitome of order and goodness!

Torag: Right. That doesn't answer her question.

Tylixe: Of course it does! Strength through Chaos!

Kari: What he means to say is that he's a Zamorakkian, and since Zamorak is the god of Chaos, evil, etc., he doesn't like Saradominists, who are good.

Tylixe: Strength through Chaos!

Guthan: I see…Kina, why is he here?

Kina: Variety is good. Balances things out.

Tylixe: Balance?! (points threateningly at Kina) She's a Guthixian!

Kina: A what?

Kari: Ty, honestly, enough is enough. We're Zamorakkians, the Barrows Brothers are Saradominists, and Kina's…well, Kina's sort of a neutral party, but not a Guthixian. Let's leave things at that, why don't we?

Tylixe: (stony silence)

Kina: Well, now that we have that settled, why don't we have another question?

Ahrim: Does that one count?

Kina: What one?

Ahrim: You just asked a question about another question. Does it count as the question?

Kina: No!

Ahrim: Well, drat.

Kina: The next question is-

Karil: How is Verac feeling?

Kina: No it's not, it's-

Torag: How should I know?

Kina: No! That's not it either! It's-

Karil: You were the last one to see him, weren't you?

Kina: Grr. _I'm_ the host of the show! _I_ ask the questions. The next one is-

Torag: Why does that mean I should know how he's feeling?

Kina: Will you two just shut it already!

Karil: No! We're having a conversation here! _You_ shut it!

Kina: That is _very_ rude! I'm the host of this show!

Tylixe: Well, so am I, and I say you _all_ shut it! God, you people are getting on my nerves.

(silence)

Tylixe: That's much better. So, Torag, how's Verac feeling?

Karil: That was my question!

Tylixe: I said, shut it! Torag?

Karil: (goes into corner to sulk)

Torag: I already told Karil I don't know! Are you deaf?

Tylixe: After all your shouting, possibly.

Torag: Huh. I think I'll go check on Verac. (leaves in a huff)

Kina: What happened here? This used to be a well-ordered show.

Kari: Well, that's what happens when Tylixe takes over. Chaos ensues.

Kina: Well, I think I may just have to demote him.

Tylixe: _Excuse _me?! I must be hearing things, because no one would _ever_ even _think_ of demoting _me_!

Kari: Calm down, Ty. Kina, I would allow him to keep his ranking, if I were you.

Kina: Hm…(looks at Tylixe appraisingly) I think you might be right. Tylixe, you can keep your job.

Tylixe: (narrows eyes) I'm glad you decided to keep your life.

Kari: Oh, Ty, don't be so dramatic. You wouldn't have killed her.

Tylixe: Sure I would've.

Guthan: Okay people, break it up. No one's killing anyone.

Dharok: Ever? But I have a really big axe! What should I do with it?

Guthan: I didn't mean ever, I just meant now. Currently. At the moment. For the-

Kina: Okay, Guthan, we get it.

Guthan: Sorry.

Kina: So, who's up for a question?

Guthan and Ahrim: (groan)

Kina: Great! Karil, stop sulking and come join us.

Karil: (continues to sulk)

Kina: (narrows eyes) Karil…

Karil: Oh, fine. (comes out of corner) What?

Kina: We're doing another question.

Ahrim: (fakes enthusiasm) Yippee!

Kina: Cut it out.

Ahrim: (takes paper and scissors and cuts a square out)

Kina: Where'd you get those scissors?! (grabs scissors) Those things are dangerous!

Ahrim: Dangerous? No, _these_ are dangerous. (pulls a pair of axes out of midair)

Kina: Ahh! Put those away! (pause) Where'd you get them, anyway?

Ahrim: (grins slyly) I have my ways. (waves hand and axes disappear)

Guthan: He_ is_ a mage.

Kina: Ah. I suppose that makes sense then.

Tylixe: Aren't we slightly off-topic here?

Kina: Yes we are! So, the next questio-

(door bursts open)

Torag: I'm baack!

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) That's nice. Why don't you announce it just a _little_ louder next time?

Torag: Oh, put a sock in it.

Karil: So, now that you might actually _know_, how's Verac?

Torag: Eh, not bad. I think he's getting better.

Karil: That's good. We miss him.

Dharok: We do?

Karil: Yes, Dharok, we do. He's our_ brother._

Dharok: Oh. If you say so.

Ahrim: Karil, stop speaking for us all. I never said I missed him.

Karil: Don't you?

Ahrim: Not really. He's kind of a pest.

Guthan: I'm going to tell him you said that.

Ahrim: Go for it.

Kina: Enough with the brotherly love. Let's get back to the show.

Torag: Fine, since you can't seem to be dissuaded.

Kina: Nope. So, next question is do you like being celebrities?

Dharok: What's a celebrity?

Ahrim: A famous person, dolt.

Dharok: We're famous?

Torag: You hadn't noticed?

Dharok: Uh, no.

Ahrim: Dharok the blissfully ignorant…

Guthan: Anyway, to answer the question, yes, it's nice to be well known, but it can get annoying.

Ahrim: I think we've been over this already.

Kina: Hm. You might be right on that one.

Tylixe: You shouldn't ask such repetitive questions, Kina.

Kina: You shush. I ask what I think of.

Tylixe: Then you need a better imagination.

Kina: I said, you shush! My imagination is fine, thank you very much.

Tylixe: You're welcome.

Kina: That wasn't a serious 'thank you'!

Tylixe: That wasn't a serious 'you're welcome'.

Kina: Oh, never mind…

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**A/N: Review, please! =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: And...(drumroll, please)...Chapter Five! Enjoy!**

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(thunder rumbles ominously)

Tylixe: Wh-what was th-th-that?

Guthan: This is reminding me of a creepy horror movie I saw once…

Torag: Yeah, I know. Scary, isn't it?

Guthan: Yeah…

Tylixe: Seriously. What was that?

Guthan: What? Is the Oh-So-High-And-Mighty Lord Tylixe afraid of a little thunder?

Tylixe: Shut up! I just…prefer life without it…

(lightning lights up the sky outside)

Tylixe: AH!! (cowers)

Kari: Don't worry, Ty, it'll be okay. (pats him on the shoulder) Calm down.

Kina: Well, well. _Another_ of Lord Tylixe's secrets. Keep 'em coming!

Tylixe: Oh, go jump in a lake.

Kina: How rude. (offended silence)

Kari: He didn't mean it. Don't get upset.

Kina: Hmph. (pause) Okay, I'm over it.

Tylixe: You are _so_ weird.

(thunder)

Tylixe: (cowering) M-make it st-stop.

(Dharok enters room)

Dharok: Has anyone seen my boots?

Kari: Uh…

Torag: (sighs) They're under your bed, where they always are.

Dharok: Oh. (pause) Thanks. (leaves room)

Kina: Okay then…

(flash of lightning)

Tylixe: (whimpers)

Kari: (pats Tylixe comfortingly on the arm) It's okay Ty.

Guthan: (snickering) He's _never_ gonna live this down.

Tylixe: (glares at Guthan) You're not going to live at all if you keep it up.

Kari: He's rather sensitive about his weaknesses.

Tylixe: I don't have weaknesses!

Kari: Everyone has weaknesses, Ty.

Tylixe: Oh yeah? What's yours?

Guthan: Large amounts of gold stuff.

Tylixe: I wasn't talking to you! And that's not the kind of weakness I meant.

Kari: Yeah, we're talking about _fears_.

Guthan: Oh. (thinks for a minute) Goblins with green furry hats.

Everyone else in room: (stares at Guthan)

Guthan: What? They're _scary_. I saw one once, and I'm scarred for life. (shudders)

Torag: You've actually seen a goblin wearing a green furry hat?

Guthan: No.

Torag: Then how are you afraid of them?

Guthan: I'm not. It'd be fine if he'd just been wearing it.

Kina: What was he doing with it?

Guthan: He was _attacking_ it. Quite ferociously. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. (shudders again)

Kina: Okay, you people are _strange_.

Ahrim: Yeah, I know. But you're the one who started the show. It's all your fault if we end up creeping people out with our strangeness.

Kina: People like me?

Ahrim: Sure. People like you. Blame yourself.

(door bursts open)

(sopping wet Verac tumbles in)

Verac: Hi, peoples!

Guthan: Hey, Verac! Long time, no see!

Verac: I know. Was I missed?

Karil: Not by Ahrim. The rest of us missed you though.

Verac: Ahrim! You didn't miss me?

Ahrim: Not especially, no. I mean, you weren't gone _that_ long.

Verac: (sniffles) But Ahrim, I thought you'd miss me a _little_. I am your brother after all.

Ahrim: Oh, quit crying.

Kina: All right, that's enough. Verac, you're not still sick, are you?

Verac: Do I _look_ sick?

Kina: Well, you never can tell…

Verac: Huh. No, I'm not. I feel fine.

Kina: Good. Though you may want to go dry off before you catch something.

Verac: Okay. (leaves room)

Karil: Well, that's good. It wasn't the same without Verac.

Ahrim: No, it was actually _almost _void of annoyances.

Kina: Oh, Ahrim, don't be so unfriendly.

Ahrim: Huh.

Kari: Can I ask the next question?

Kina: Uh, I guess…

Kari: Cool. So, what are your favorite colors?

Ahrim: Burgundy.

Kina: I've always thought burgundy was kind of depressing. Too dark. Kind of emo.

Ahrim: Not this again…

Kina: Just saying.

Kari: My hair's burgundy. Does that make me emo too?

Kina: Wow. Your hair _is_ burgundy. Weird.

Kari: Hey!

Verac: Mine's sort of orangish-brown.

Kina: Your hair?

Verac: No! My favorite color! My hair…sheesh. You'd think you'd be able to tell.

Kina: Oh.

Tylixe: Isn't that the color of pretzels? Orangish-brown?

Verac:…Yeah.

Tylixe: Man, you're obsessed! What's so great about pretzels anyway?

Verac: Hey! Don't insult the pretzels!

Tylixe: …

Kina: Can we get back to the question? Karil, what's your favorite color?

Karil: Sort of…er…forest green, I guess.

Guthan: Tree hugger.

Karil: Um…I don't know how you made _that_ association.

Kina: Okay, Guthan, your turn.

Guthan: Navy blue.

Karil: Does that make you a sailor?

Guthan: No…

Karil: Then I'm not a tree hugger.

Guthan: Fine. Sorry.

Kina: Torag?

Torag: Sort of an orange-yellow. Goldish, but not metallic.

Kina: Go for the gold!

Torag: Okay…that was random.

Kina: Yeah. Sorry. Couldn't help it.

Torag: Hm.

Kina: Dharok? You're last.

Dharok: Purple. It's so pretty.

Tylixe: Your favorite color is _purple_?!

Dharok: Yeah. So?

Tylixe: But that's so…unmanly!

Dharok: Uh…so?

Tylixe: You wield an _axe_. You chop people's heads off with one swing. And your favorite color is_ purple_?

Dharok: Yeah. Stop making such a big deal about it.

Tylixe: But…but…

Guthan: Okay, Tylixe, what's _your_ favorite color?

Tylixe: Bright red. Or black, as a second.

Guthan: Oh. Darn. I was _so_ hoping to get the chance to call you a hypocrite.

Tylixe: Well, too bad.

Guthan: Maybe some other day…

* * *

**A/N: Review! =)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here's chapter three for all you impatient people...(cough)Tylixe(cough)...**

* * *

Tylixe: I don't feel so great…

Kina: Oh, no. Don't tell me _you're_ coming down with something too!

Tylixe: I don't know…I just feel kinda…congested.

Kari: Sounds like you've caught a cold.

Tylixe: No! Not a cold! I _hate_ colds! (sneezes) Crap. I _have_ caught a cold.

Kina: Ah! Out, out, out! Now! (shoos Tylixe out door)

Tylixe: Fine. (walks away) (pause) Hey, it's Talenith! Hi, Tally!

Kari: Talenith?! What's _she_ doing here? (goes over to door)

Talenith: Oh, hi _Kari_. Long time no see.

Kari: Ditto. (pause) Who's she?

Talenith: Oh, this is Galaxy. She just showed up.

Galaxy: (waves) Hi! I heard voices and decided to investigate. I found Talenith eavesdropping.

Kari: You were _eavesdropping_?! Why?

Talenith: Felt like it. Your conversation was very interesting.

Kina: Okay, I'm sick of not knowing what's going on. (goes outside) What is going on out here?

Kari: We have eavesdroppers. (points to Talenith and Galaxy)

Kina: Oh. I see. And what are they doing here?

Galaxy: Um, eavesdropping? Haven't we been through this already?

Kina: Well, yes, but why were you eavesdropping?

Talenith: Like I said, I felt like it. Is that a problem?

Kina: Yes! This is a private show! Tylixe and Kari have already crashed it. And now you two…

Galaxy: Private show? What sort of show? Can we join?

Kina: Gah! What is _with_ all the people wanting to join?

Tylixe: Uh, Kina, you're the one that offered the job to me and Kari. You said it was that or you killed us for knowing secret information. We didn't _want_ to do anything.

Kina: Oh, pshaw. Doesn't matter. But they don't know anything yet, so they don't _need_ to join.

Talenith: Yeah we do. I was eavesdropping, remember? I know all about your little operation with the Barrows Brothers.

Galaxy: Barrows Brothers? But they're dead!

Ahrim: Please! Not that again!

Galaxy: Uh…what was that?

Kina: That was Ahrim. He finds the constant 'But you're dead!' annoying.

Galaxy:…But isn't he?

Ahrim: (storms outside) No! We are _not_ dead! Sheesh!

Galaxy: Oh. Sorry.

Kina: Okay, so now that you know the secret…you have to join. Sorry. No other option. Can't have you telling the world that the Barrows Brothers are alive.

Galaxy: (rolls eyes) Okay. I'll join.

Talenith: Me too. Who are you, anyway?

Kina: I'm Kina. I started this show.

Talenith: Oh. Nice to meet you. What do we do now?

Kina: Come inside. Then we can get back to the show.

(everyone goes back inside)

Tylixe: So, where were we?

Kina: What are you still doing here? You were leaving, remember?

Tylixe: (sneezes) Oh yeah. Well, I've decided I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to miss anything.

Kina: But you'll get us sick too!

Kari: Deal with it.

Kina: But…but…

Kari: (glares at Kina) Kina, he's not leaving. You can wear an oxygen mask if you're worried.

Kina: Huh. Fine. (puts on oxygen mask)

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) Kina, you are obnoxiously paranoid.

Kina: Hmph…hey, I sound funny. Kind of muffled.

Verac: That would be the oxygen mask.

Kina: Weird.

Galaxy: So, what are we supposed to do on this show?

Kina: We ask the Barrows Brothers random questions about themselves, and they answer them.

Galaxy: Oh. Which one of you has the biggest nose?

Kina: Well, that certainly was random…

Torag: Do we actually have to answer that?

Kina: Of course you do! It's a valid question.

Guthan: Do you want us to measure them?

Galaxy: If that's the only way to get an answer, I guess.

Karil: I don't think it's necessary. I think we can all agree that Dharok has the biggest nose.

Dharok: Really?

Ahrim, Torag, Verac, and Guthan: Yup.

Dharok: Huh. (goes off to find a mirror)

Talenith: Well, that was interesting.

Tylixe: Yeah…I guess…

Kina: Okay, then next question is…what are your greatest fears?

Kari: Well, we already know Guthan's…

Verac: (snorts) Yeah, goblins attacking green furry hats.

Guthan: (indignant silence)

Kina: But what about the rest of you?

Verac: Living in a world without pretzels. I mean, doesn't that just sound terrifying?

Tylixe: You really _are_ obsessed.

Verac:…Yeah.

Galaxy: Pretzels? Am I missing something?

Kina: Verac is obsessed with a certain small, crunchy, salt covered snack food.

Galaxy: Oh. Interesting.

Kina: Yeah…So, Torag next.

Torag: Um…I'm absolutely terrified of poodles. Especially the pink ones.

Talenith: Poodles? You're insane.

Guthan: He most certainly is.

Tylixe: Oh, and you're one to talk! Goblins with green furry hats isn't much better.

Guthan: (more indignant silence)

Kina: So…Ahrim, let's hear it.

Ahrim: …

Kina: Ahrim! Come on, spill!

Torag: Yeah! We had to.

Ahrim: …

Kina: It can't be any worse than goblins with green furry hats or poodles, can it?

Ahrim: …

Kari: Well, it _could_, I'm sure. You never can tell with these sorts of things.

Tylixe: Oh, come on. What could be worse than that?

Kina: If Ahrim would _say_ something, we might be able to find out.

Ahrim: …

Guthan: This is getting old.

Kina: Yes, it is. Ahrim, spill.

Ahrim:…Spiders.

Tylixe: What?! But that's not bad at all! Everyone's afraid of those creepy little things.

Ahrim: No, I mean the fake kind. I don't mind the real ones, I just can't stand the fake ones. They're creepy.

Tylixe: (stares) That makes absolutely no sense.

Ahrim: (shrugs) And being afraid of goblins attacking green furry hats does?

Guthan: Will you people stop bringing that up!

Kina: But it's so _funny_!

Guthan: (yet more indignant silence)

Galaxy: Well, that was entertaining. I've learned one thing from this conversation.

Ahrim: And that is…?

Galaxy: You people are all _nuts_.

Ahrim: (sigh)

* * *

**A/N: A thank you to my friend Ellie for Galaxy, and my friend Liz for Talenith. Thanks you guys! =)**

**Review!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Many, many apologies for the huge gap in updates. It's been, what, a month and a half? So sorry. So, without further ado, on with the chapter!**

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Kina: Welcome back to Guess The Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets!

Ahrim: I hate that name. Can't we call it something else?

Kina: Like what? The Show Where The Barrows Brothers' Intimate Secrets are revealed?

Ahrim: I don't like that one either.

Kina: Tough.

Torag: How about Kina's Talk Show? Then you can say, 'Featuring the Barrows Brothers!'

Kina: But that implies that I have other guests.

Guthan: Maybe you should. Let us have a break from this insanity once in a while.

Kina: Like who?

Tylixe: (walks into room yawning) Morning, all.

Ahrim: (gives Kina a meaningful look)

Kina: No! He's a host!

Karil: Then let's scramble things up. We'll be hosts, and they can be interrogated.

Kina: Hm…How about we do that tomorrow.

Verac: Better than nothing, right guys? We can put up with one more day.

Guthan: Hm…

Karil: Sure we can. Kina, you have yourself a deal.

Galaxy: (enters room) Good morning!

Ahrim: (inches away from Galaxy) You are creepily chipper.

Galaxy: I am not! What makes you say that?

Ahrim: It's early morning. You just got up. You're not supposed to be so…_happy._

Galaxy: Huh. I'll be happy if I want to be, and you can't stop me.

Ahrim: (inches further away) Okay then. I'll just stay over here, away from contamination.

Galaxy: You really _are_ emo.

Ahrim: I am not!

(Talenith enters room)

Galaxy: Hi, Talenith. How are you?

Talenith: (grumble)

Ahrim: Aha! See? That's _normal_ morning behavior.

Tylixe: No, that's Talenith morning behavior. She's always like this.

Ahrim: She should be! It's eight-thirty in the morning!

Galaxy: Then why aren't _you_ like that? After all, it's only eight-thirty in the morning.

Ahrim: I refuse to respond on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

Galaxy: Ha! I got you on that one, Mr. Smarty Pants.

Ahrim: (stony silence)

(Kari enters room)

Kari: (yawns) How is everyone?

Torag: Entertained. We were watching Ahrim and Galaxy banter, and guess what?

Kari: Do I have to say 'what'?

Torag: Yes.

Kari: What?

Torag: Galaxy totally beat Ahrim…verbally, anyway.

Ahrim: She did not! I'm just still a little foggy. After all, it's only eight-thirty in the morning.

Guthan: May I say that I think Ahrim just proved his case? Whether he meant to or not.

Galaxy: No, you may not! Whose side are you on anyway?

Guthan: Uh…my brother's?

Galaxy: Well! Is anyone on my side?

Kina: I'll be on your side!

Galaxy: Thanks, Kina.

Kari: Okay, as entertaining as all this is, aren't we supposed to be interrogating the Barrows Brothers'?

Kina: Ah, yes. Right you are. Let's get this show on the road!

Ahrim: Ugh. I hate clichéd sentences like that.

Kina: Well, too bad. It's time to break a leg!

Ahrim: (facepalm)

Kina: (sits in a funky Director's chair) So, Verac, care to tell us what color your underwear currently are?

Verac:…No!

Kina: Let me rephrase that; So, Verac, what color are your underwear today?

Verac: I refuse to answer that!

Kina: You can't. (pulls out official-looking document) Clause two…the answering of all questions directed at a Barrows Brother by any host is mandatory and cannot be refused, on pain of death.

Verac: _Excuse me?!_

Kina: You heard me. Answer the question, or I reserve the right to have you hanged.

Verac: _Hanged?!_

Kina: Yes, hanged. Answer the question already!

Verac: Fine, since you're being so pushy. They're black.

Talenith: He's lying.

Verac: I am not!

Kina: Excuse me, Talenith, how can you know this?

Verac: Yeah, really! How could you _possibly_ know that?

Talenith: I have my ways…

Kina: Talenith, in order for your protest to be valid, I need to know your sources.

Talenith: He's messy.

Kina: Care to elaborate?

Talenith: His clothes are all over his room, and his underwear were all various shades of 'pretzel brown' with funny yellow polka dots on them.

Kina: Uh…well…I see only one way to prove this point…

Verac: Hey! I still retain the right of privacy! You are not allowed to de-clothe me!

Kina: Who said anything about de-clothing you? I meant we have to check your room.

Verac:…Oh.

Kina: So, who volunteers?

Galaxy: I'll do it!

Tylixe: You seriously _want_ to go into his less-than-clean living space and look for his underwear?

Galaxy: Eh, shouldn't be too hard. According to Talenith they're all in plain sight anyway.

Kina: Alright, then. Go for it, Galaxy!

(Galaxy leaves room)

(Galaxy reenters room)

Galaxy: Talenith was right. They're definitely pretzel brown.

Karil: You, my friend, are way past obsessed.

Verac: …

Tylixe: Oh well. We all have our share of embarrassing facts, I guess.

Talenith: Yeah, even you.

Tylixe: (glowers dangerously at Talenith) And just what do you mean by that?

Talenith: Well, you must have some secrets too. As you said, we all have them.

Tylixe: I resent that remark.

Ahrim: Hypocrite.

Tylixe: I resent that remark too.

Galaxy: You guys are definitely quite nuts.

Guthan: Hm…hey, where's Dharok?

Torag: I think he's still sleeping.

Karil: Lazy bum.

Ahrim: Exactly. You summed it up nicely.

Kina: Well, someone should go wake him up. We don't want him missing the show today.

Verac: Of course not. If we have to suffer, so does he.

Kina: Oh, come on. It's not that bad!

Verac: Do I need to remind you what I just went through?

Galaxy: Jeez, Verac. It's nothing to get worked up about. At least we didn't use the, er…other method to find out, right?

Verac: Point taken.

Karil: Well, I'm going to wake Sleeping Beauty up. Wish me luck!

Torag: Good luck…you'll need it.

(Karil exits room)

Guthan: Do you think we'll ever see him again?

Torag: (shrugs) Who knows?

* * *

**A/N: Review? Please? =)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: And...chapter eight! (applause) Enjoy!**

* * *

Guthan: So, how do you think Karil's faring in waking Dharok up?

Verac: (shrugs) Maybe we can find out.

(from the other room, crashing and banging is heard)

Karil: Ow! Dharok! I only tapped you!

Dharok: (grunts)

Karil: Ow! Ow! Stop that! OW!

Dharok: (more grunting)

Karil: (runs into main room) Someone save me! (hides behind Guthan)

Guthan: Gah! Don't bring me into this!

Dharok: (storms into room) Karil!

Ahrim: Calm down! (casts spell)

Dharok: (collapses) Zzzzz……

Kina: But now you have to wake him up again.

Karil: Why don't we let him sleep?

Tylixe: That's what I would do.

Galaxy: Yeah…

Kina: All right then. But that means he doesn't get questioned.

Torag: Well, that makes him quite lucky.

Kina: (sighs) So, first question…

Talenith: How many of you have broken a bone?

Kina: Okay, valid question.

Talenith: (rolls eyes) Obviously. I don't need your approval.

Kina: (gasps) _Excuse_ me?

Talenith: I am a host, after all.

Kari: Why don't we just have the Brothers answer the question, and try to avoid a confrontation.

Kina: Fine.

(Brothers all look at each other)

Torag: I think I know a better question.

Talenith: Oh?

Torag: Yeah…How many of us _haven't_ broken any bones.

Tylixe: I take it most of you have?

Guthan: I think we all have, in various ways.

Karil: Torag smashed his own hand with one of his hammers. It was hilarious.

Torag: Huh.

Ahrim: And the afore-mentioned time when he dropped his hammer on his foot. He screamed like a little girl _and_ broke his foot.

Torag: Huh.

Verac: And another already mentioned time when he thought he could fly and jumped off the roof, breaking his arm and his leg.

Torag: Huh.

Kina: So, you seem to have the most, eh, Torag?

Torag: Huh.

Galaxy: Will you stop saying 'huh'!

Torag: Why?

Galaxy: It's too repetitive! You should spice things up a little and say new things.

Torag: Huh.

Galaxy: Gar!

Tylixe: Well, that was certainly new, Galaxy. I suppose you _should_ be the one giving Torag lessons on making your speech…interesting.

Galaxy: Precisely!

Kina: Can we get back to the question please?

Karil: Sure. I broke my wrist when an enemy swung a mace at me. I blocked it with my hand, and, well…my wrist broke.

Ahrim: And then there's the one he's not mentioning…

Guthan: The time when he misfired his crossbow and broke his collarbone.

Karil: I was trying to avoid that one.

Torag: Well, I had enough embarrassing ones. It's only right that you should too.

Karil: Huh.

Galaxy: Not you too!

Karil: What?

Galaxy: Oh, never mind…

Talenith: What about you, Guthan? You ever broke anything?

Guthan: Yeah…

Verac: He ran into a wall and broke his nose.

Kari: He _what_? I had no idea he was that stupid…

Guthan: Hey!

Kari: Well, why'd you run into it, if not for a blatant lack of intelligence?

Guthan: Uh…well…I…um…er…

Ahrim: What he's trying to say is that someone made the wall invisible and piled stacks of gold behind it. He just sort of ran at the money, heedless to any possible danger.

Kari: I could call that a blatant lack of intelligence.

Guthan: Humph.

Galaxy: Thank you, Guthan!

Guthan: Why? What did I do?

Galaxy: You said 'humph' instead of the overused 'huh'.

Guthan: Oh…I see. You're welcome, I guess…

Kina: So…Verac!

Verac: What?

Kina: Your turn.

Verac:…Oh. I've broken my arm.

Kina: Care to tell us how?

Verac: Not really.

Kina: Do I have to pull out Clause Two again?

Verac: Oh, right. No, of course not.

Kina: Then tell us how.

Verac: I stuck my arm between the blacksmith's hammer and his anvil.

Talenith: Why the _heck_ would you do that?!

Verac: It was a dare. Someone promised me five jumbo bags of-

Kari: Let me guess; pretzels.

Verac: (nods head shamefully)

Tylixe: That's sad…Incredibly sad.

Guthan: I know. He's an idiot.

Galaxy: You're the one who ran into a wall because there was money behind it!

Guthan: …

Kina: So, who hasn't responded yet?

Verac, Karil, Guthan, and Torag: (points to Ahrim)

Ahrim: …

Kina: So, Ahrim…what have _you_ done?

Ahrim: I broke my finger.

Talenith: Your _finger_? How?

Ahrim: It was an accident with my mortar and pestle.

Kari: You_ crushed_ your finger? In your mortar and pestle?

Ahrim: Yeah.

Galaxy: Interesting…

Tylixe: Interesting indeed.

Ahrim: It's not as bad as some of them.

Kina: This is true.

Galaxy: It's still rather sad, though.

Ahrim: You just wait until tomorrow…

Kina: Yes, indeed. This is all for today, but tomorrow you get to experience the Barrows Brothers as hosts. So stay tuned!

Tylixe: Hm…

* * *

**A/N: That's right peoples. Next chapter...The Barrows Brothers interrogate Tylixe, Kari, Galaxy, Talenith, and Kina. Should be interesting...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait between chapters, but I've finally gotten around to posting, so here's chapter nine! I'm afraid it's a little short, and I'll try to get more up ASAP. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Kina: Aaaannddd……Welcome back to Guess The Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets!

Ahrim: Ahem.

Kina: Yes?

Ahrim: You're not allowed to say that today. Today it's Guess The Hosts' Innermost Secrets.

Verac: Yeah! Today we get the spotlight!

Guthan: Um…Don't you mean today we're _out_ of the spotlight?

Verac: Whatever. Same diff.

Guthan: Not really…

Verac: Yeah it is! Besides, you all knew what I meant.

Guthan: Doesn't mean you shouldn't say what you mean.

Verac: But I–

Kari: Guys!

Tylixe: SHUT UP FOR ONCE!!!!

(stunned silence)

Tylixe: (sighs) Thank you.

Ahrim: Okay, so today we're the hosts. Other than that, everything's the same, right?

Kina: Pretty much.

Ahrim: Right, let's get started.

Galaxy: Well, Ahrim seems to be taking Kina's place quite well.

Kina: He better not get used to it!

Ahrim: (rolls eyes) Don't worry, Kina. I wouldn't _dream_ of superseding you.

Talenith: You know, that sounded an awful lot like sarcasm.

Ahrim: No! What makes you say that?

Talenith: See?

Kina: Can we get back on track now? You know, the show?

Ahrim: Ah, yes. Sorry. So, first question.

Torag: Have you ever had any pets?

Karil: That's kind of a lame question, Torag.

Torag: (winks) No it's not. Just you wait…

Guthan: Well, if that isn't ominous.

Ahrim: So, anyone going to answer the question?

Kina: Of course!…Who's first?

Kari: (narrows eyes suspiciously) How about you Kina? Or do you have some strange secret that you don't want people to know?

Kina: Well…It's just…Oh, fine. I've had six parrots.

Guthan: Six? You've had _six_ parrots? Why?

Kina: I…um…they kept dying. (sniffles sadly) I think it was because my mom could never afford the food, so they all starved.

Galaxy: That's horrible!

Kina: (wipes tear) I know. There's a little parrot graveyard in the backyard of my parent's house.

Tylixe: (snorts) That is _pathetic_.

Kina: Hey! It is not! They deserved a good burial.

Tylixe: It's still pathetic.

Kina: Well, have _you_ ever had any pets?

Tylixe:…A cat.

Verac: More information, Ty.

Tylixe: Don't call me Ty.

Verac: But…but…Kari does! All the time!

Tylixe: That's Kari, now isn't it? No one else is allowed to call me Ty.

Talenith: Even me?

Tylixe: No.

Talenith: But I let you call me Tally!

Tylixe: So?

Talenith: So I think that means I should be allowed to call you Ty.

Kari: Sheesh, Tally. He said no! Besides, most people you know call you Tally. Talenith is just too long.

Talenith: Well…I still think I should get Ty rights. I've known him almost as long as you have.

Kari: (sighs) It's not about quantity, Tally. It's about quality.

Talenith: What are you implying?

Tylixe: Okay, ladies, stop. Tally, you can't call me Ty. Got that?

Talenith: But–

Tylixe: Good. What were we talking about, Verac?

Galaxy: Wow. Tylixe sure was levelheaded about that.

Kina: Yeah. Shocking, isn't it?

Tylixe: Feh.

Verac: (clears throat) Er…we were talking about your cat, Tylixe.

Tylixe:……Oh. Right.

Guthan: So, care to elaborate?

Tylixe: Not really.

Verac: Don't make me pull out Clause Two!

Kina: You love being able to say that, didn't you Verac?

Verac: Yep! Tylixe, answer the question.

Tylixe: Well, I had this black cat. His name was Dinger. But he wasn't too road smart, so he ran out into the road and got run over by a horse. (looks at shoes) I was sad.

(everyone stares at Tylixe)

Tylixe: What?!

Kari: (pats Tylixe on back) It's okay, Ty. I understand. I lost a cat once too.

Ahrim: Really? Tell us about it.

Kari: Well, I had a calico cat, but she was so loyal she followed me into battle and got stepped on by an ogre. (sniffs) I couldn't even give her a proper burial because the ogre walked away with her stuck to his foot.

Galaxy: That's the worst thing I've ever heard!

Kari: (nods) I was inconsolable for about a week.

Tylixe: Yeah, I remember that week. She was so upset, she kept bawling whenever I came to visit and asked her how she was. Then I got to hear endless stories about her cat.

Kari: I wanted to keep her memory alive.

Galaxy: That's understandable.

Ahrim: So, Galaxy and Talenith, what are your pet stories?

Galaxy: I had a rabbit once. She was white, and really cute.

Kari: What happened to her?

Galaxy: Nothing. She's currently at my house, hopping around in my garden.

Verac: Wow. A pet story that doesn't end with the pet's death. This is new.

Tylixe: Then why were you talking about her in the past tense?

Galaxy: Oh…was I? Didn't mean to.

Torag: Last, but not least…Talenith! What's your story?

Talenith: Uh…I had a ferret. He was cute. He died.

Galaxy: How?

Talenith: He got too close to one of my cooking fires and caught fire.

Kari: Oh! He was cremated!

Talenith: (sniffles) That's not funny, Kari.

Torag: (guffawing) Yes it is!

Talenith: (crosses arms) Shut up, idiot.

Kina: Tally, be nice.

Talenith: So now _you're_ calling me Tally too?

Kina: Well, as Kari pointed out, it is shorter than Talenith.

Talenith: (huffs and leaves the room)

(silence reigns for a moment)

Galaxy: Hm…That went well…

* * *

**A/N: Review! =)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay, so I was browsing through my Word documents yesterday, and I stumbled upon this, which I have apparently had written for a few weeks now and just forgot to post. Very sorry about that, but it's here now. Enjoy!**

* * *

Kina: Do you think she'll be alright?

Kari: Oh, yeah. (waves hand dismissively) She'll get over it.

Talenith: (from other room) I will not! I'm going to be eternally scarred, thank you very much!

Kari: Oh, shut _up_, Tally!

Talenith: (storms back into room) DON'T CALL ME TALLY!

(Barrows Brothers vacate room)

Kari: I'll call you Tally if I want to call you Tally, Tally!

Talenith: I said, DON'T CALL ME–

Galaxy: Will you two just leave it alone?! Please?!

Kari: Oh…uh…sorry. (coughs self-consciously)

Galaxy: Thank you. Talenith?

Talenith: I'll leave it, but I want it known that it is against my will.

Tylixe: I think it's quite _well_ known, actually.

Talenith: Huh.

Kina: Can we get back to the show?

Kari: Yes, we probably should.

Galaxy: (fetches the Barrows Brothers)

Ahrim: So, has everything been settled?

Kina: Somewhat. We can continue with the show now.

Guthan: Oh, good, because I have a question for Tylixe.

Tylixe: Oh, joy.

Verac: Don't make me pull out Clause Two on you, mister!

Tylixe: I never said I wouldn't answer it, idiot.

Verac: I know. I just like saying that.

Guthan: So, Tylixe. The question. Are you ready?

Tylixe: Yes. Spit it out already.

Guthan: How old are you?

Tylixe: (stares incredulously) What?

Guthan: I think you heard me perfectly well.

Tylixe: Yeah, I did. I'm just sure I must have heard you wrong. Why would you want to know that?

Guthan: I don't know. Just…'cause?

Tylixe: Well, I think we should all have to answer that one. After all, it's not just aimed at me.

Guthan: Okay, go for it. You first, though.

Tylixe: I'm twenty-four.

Kina: Hey! That's six times four! And eight times three. And twelve times two. Aren't you lucky, Tylixe. You're not a prime number!

Tylixe: Er…okay…

Ahrim: Thank you for that strange, unnecessary interruption, Kina. How old are you?

Kina: I'm nineteen. I _am_ a prime number. (sniffles a little)

Kari: Don't worry, Kina, I am too.

Kina: Really? How old are you?

Kari: Twenty-three.

Kina: Cool! I don't feel so bad about it anymore.

Verac: Tally? How about you?

Talenith: I'm politely ignoring your use of my nickname.

Ahrim: That's nice. Answer the question.

Talenith: I'm twenty-one.

Kina: Let's see…seven times three. I think that's all you've got, but at least you're not a prime number.

Talenith: (rolls eyes) Wonderful. I really don't see how it matters.

Kina: It matters a lot! Prime numbers are all lonely. Composite numbers, on the other hand, have lots of friends…well, factors, anyway.

Talenith: That totally didn't mean anything to me.

Torag: Okay, I think we should interrupt this before it gets out of hand. Galaxy, how old are you?

Galaxy: I'm twenty. A nice even number.

Kina: Ooh, you've got lots of factors! Five times four. Ten times two….Actually, I think those are the only two.

Galaxy: I don't mind.

Kina: That's good. At least you're not a prime number.

Talenith: You know, I really don't get your obsession with prime numbers versus composite numbers. What is it supposed to mean, anyway?

Kina: I don't know. Why do people use toilets instead of trees?

Talenith: Um…because they're more comfortable and less messy? What does that have to do with numbers?

Kina: Nothing.

Talenith: Okay, then…(looks at Kina worriedly)

Kina: Quit staring at me! I'm not a nut job!

Talenith: Oh, yes you are.

Kina: I am not!

Kari: Guys, cut it out.

Tylixe: Kari's right. No bickering.

Torag: How about another question instead?

Verac: Good idea!

Tylixe: You _would_ think that, being a host and all.

Verac: Hey, I think it's high time we got a chance to escape the questioning! Don't you?

Tylixe: Hm…

Torag: So, the question. Any ideas, guys?

Galaxy: How about something easy, like the last one.

Guthan: Oh, come on! That wouldn't be any fun!

Talenith: Well, too bad for you.

Kari: You know, Tally, I really think you should work on that attitude problem of yours.

Talenith: Attitude problem?! I do NOT have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM!!!! Got that?!

Kari: (backs away slowly) Oh, no, of course not. Forgive me, your royal grouchiness.

Talenith: (mutters less-than-pleasant language angrily)

Galaxy: Tally! I'm shocked! You shouldn't say stuff like that!

Talenith: Oh, go jump in the Lumbridge River.

Kina: You should be nicer, Talenith. Have we ever given you a reason to be so unkind?

Talenith: (snorts) You want a list?

Guthan: Really, guys. I thought we were running a show here, not having a shouting match.

Ahrim: Well, technically, no one's shouting.

Kari: Tally was.

Talenith: I WAS NOT!

Ahrim: Ah…see, now that was not helping your argument, Tally.

Talenith: I _really_ don't care.

Ahrim: Your loss.

Karil: Guys, can we maybe get back to the questioning, before we run out of time?

Verac: An excellent idea, Karil.

Karil: Thanks. I say we ask them what _their_ favorite colors are.

Galaxy: PURPLE!

Ahrim: …Wow. I guess you like purple, then.

Galaxy: (nods emphatically)

Torag: Well, we already know Tylixe's, so who else wants to go?

Kina: Blue. Like water. And the sky…when the weather's nice, that is.

Tylixe: That's so fluffy of you.

Kina: Fluffy?

Tylixe: You know…oh, never mind.

Kina: Okay, then.

Verac: Kari?

Kari: Black.

Torag: Really?

Guthan: Wow. That's the only morbid thing about you so far.

Kari: How do you mean?

Guthan: Well, you're with Tylixe, right?

Kari: I guess, yeah.

Guthan: And Tylixe is an evil worshipper of Zamorak, right?

Kari: Yup.

Guthan: So how is that you're so…nice?

Kari: Got to keep Ty in check, of course. I mean, just because you're evil doesn't mean you have to be cruel or nasty or unpleasant or anything. I'm all for Zamorak, I just go about it differently.

Ahrim: I like that. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a Zamorakkian someday.

Karil: _Excuse_ me?!

Ahrim: What?

Karil: Why would you _ever_ become a Zamorakkian?

Ahrim: Think about it. He _is_ the god of sarcasm.

Karil: Okay, so I get that part. But he's also the god of chaos and evil!

Ahrim: (shrugs) Don't get worked up. I never said I was going to.

Karil: You implied it.

Kina: Ahem. You ran us all out of time. Now you don't get to ask us any more questions.

Verac: But…but…

Kina: No buts. It's your own fault.

Torag: No, it's Karil and Ahrim's fault.

Tylixe: Does it really matter?

Guthan: Yes.

Galaxy: No.

Guthan: Yes!

Galaxy: No!

Guthan: YES!

Kari: Cut it out, you two.

Kina: Yeah, we're out of time. So, say good-bye.

Everyone else: Good-bye!

Kina: Excellent. And tomorrow, I'm calling in a guest star.

Talenith: Who?

Kina: Wouldn't you like to know…

* * *

**A/N: ****Review! Now! Or I'll set Anubis on you! Yes, that was random, and no, I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Also, no, I can't actually set Anubis on you. He's a god, and I can't control gods…yet. (insert maniacal smile here) Anywho, review, please. =)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Wow. It's been a really long time. So, here's a new chapter, with a special guest star! Enjoy. =)**

* * *

Kina: Hello, peoples! We're back!

Verac: Come _on_! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me…please?

Kina: No! And it doesn't matter how many times you ask, the answer won't change.

Verac: But I wanna know!

Kina: And you'll find out in a minute! He'll be here soon…I think.

Torag: What do you mean, you think?

Kina: I mean, I _think_ I told him the time. I don't remember.

Galaxy: So he may not be coming after all?

Verac: I wanna know who 'he' is!

Kina: No!

Verac: Pleeeeeeease…

Ahrim: Shut _up_, Verac! My ears are bleeding!

Verac: (pouts)

(and from the front door, a knock was heard…)

Kina: Ooh! That's him! (runs to answer door)

(everyone follows)

Kina: (to person outside) Hello! Welcome to Guess The Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets! Are you ready to join our show?

'Him': I am. Let me in. It's cold out here. (pushes past Kina)

Karil: (faints)

Tylixe: Your guest star is _Iban_?!

Kina: (nods happily)

Guthan: Wow.

Iban: Hi.

Everyone else: Hi!

Iban: What do I do?

Kina: Well…you answer questions. We get to ask you them, and then you answer them to the best of your ability.

Iban: Oh. Joy.

Talenith: So, did you sign up, or did Kina force it onto you?

Iban: I signed up for a free massage. No one told me I was going to be answering questions.

Galaxy: You told him he was going to get a _massage_?

Kina: (nods)

Kari: Do you never just tell people the truth?

Kina: Who would come if I did?

Ahrim: She's got you on that one…

Iban: Why am I answering questions?

Kina: Because this is a game show where we ask people about their innermost secrets. You're today's guest star!

Iban: I don't get a massage?

Kina: (looks around) Well…is anyone here a masseuse or a masseur?

Everyone else: No.

Kina: No, I'm afraid you don't get a massage.

Iban: You…you tricked me?

Kina: I guess so. Is that a problem?

Iban: The world is so unfair. No one likes me. I'm so misunderstood…(begins to sob)

Kina: Oh…oh dear.

Ahrim: And you keep calling _me_ emo…

Tylixe: Iban is _emo_?!

Galaxy: Shh. You'll hurt his feelings.

Tylixe: So?! Iban is _emo_!

Kari: Now, now, Ty. Be nice.

Tylixe: I don't wanna.

Kari: Tylixe! Stop being so insensitive!

Torag: (snickers)

Tylixe: What are _you_ laughing at?

Torag: (stops snickering) Nothing. Nothing at all.

Kina: Iban? (goes over to Iban) Are you okay?

Iban: (sobbing) DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU?!

Kina: (backs up) I…um…well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I was just wondering if maybe you could come answer the questions…?

Iban: (sniffles) I…I suppose I could…if you want…

Kina: That's good. I promise I'll give you a free coupon to the masseuse that lives in Falador, okay?

Iban: Okay. Thanks.

Kina: No problem. So, who has a question for Iban?

Galaxy: (raises hand)

Kina: Yes, Galaxy?

Galaxy: Well, I was just wondering…do you actually _live_ in the Underground Pass? 'Cause it seems kind of gloomy…

Iban: It is. But I do live there. I have a little bedroom. It's okay.

Galaxy: Oh…That's good.

Iban: (shrugs)

Kina: Anyone else?

Kari: You keep dying. Is that just like the Barrows Brothers, where they faked a death to get out of public, or are you actually immortal?

Iban: Well, you see…the Underground Pass quest is rigged. You're supposed to kill me, but I have to die over and over for it, so they only made it _look_ like I die. I don't really die each time. I'll admit that it's a little painful though. (starts to sniffle) I can't believe I have to deal with that! What kind of cruel place is this? (begins to sob)

Kina: Hey, hey…calm down. (pats Iban's arm) It'll be okay.

Iban: (sniffle) O-okay. Sorry.

Kina: It's okay. We don't mind.

(everyone else looks irritated)

Kina: So, who else has a question?

Torag: Since everyone else has answered this question, what's your favorite color?

Iban: Charcoal gray.

Galaxy: Well, that's depressing.

Iban: I know. The world is depressing. I figure I should follow its lead.

Verac: But the world has pretzels! What's depressing about that?

Iban: Huh?

Guthan: Oh, don't mind him. He's criminally insane.

Iban: I see.

Verac: I am not! I just like pretzels.

Talenith: Yeah, to a point that's almost creepy.

Verac: Humph.

Kina: We're getting off topic. Are there any other questions for Iban?

Galaxy: What were you like as a kid?

Guthan: That's new…

Galaxy: (shrugs) Just thought it seemed like a good question.

Iban: Well…I don't know. I guess I was kind of…well…

Verac: Do you not _remember_?

Iban: It was a long time ago! My memory isn't perfect. Why do you want so much of me? (bursts into sobs)

Tylixe: Whoa, whoa…calm down. No need to get all worked up. Can you answer the question or can't you?

Kari: Smooth, Ty. Real smooth.

Tylixe: What?

Iban: I guess…I'm sorry. I can answer the question. I guess I could say I was a…um…(mutters something unintelligible)

Kina: Uh…could you repeat that? I don't think anyone caught it.

Iban: (mutters something unintelligible again)

Tylixe: Are you deaf? She said speak up!

Kina: Actually, I didn't, but it would be nice.

Iban: I said, I was a rather pathetic kid. Are you happy now?!

Ahrim: What do you mean by 'pathetic', exactly?

Iban: Weak, emotionally unstable…that sort of thing. It was dreadful.

Tylixe: I don't get it…How have you changed, exactly?

Kina: Tylixe! That's horrible!

Tylixe: Why? It's the truth.

Kari: Doesn't mean you should say it.

Galaxy: Right. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Tylixe: Oh…meh.

Kina: I think I'm going to break this up now, and ask if anyone else would like to ask Iban a question.

Verac: How old are you?

Iban: Twenty-two.

Kina: Eleven times two. Not a prime number.

Iban: (gives Kina funny look)

Galaxy: Oh, don't worry. That's just this thing she does. She doesn't like prime numbers.

Kina: Prime numbers are awful!

Iban: Okay…

Torag: You're only twenty-two?

Iban: Yeah…

Torag: So what was all that 'It was a long time ago' stuff? Apparently you're not _that_ old.

Iban: Well…it was still a while ago. Um…twelve years or so, to be exact.

Kari: 'Or so, to be exact'…That didn't really make sense.

Iban: So? Do I have to be perfect? Is this world made for perfect people? No! It's not! Everyone has imperfections, so leave me alone! (yet more sobs)

Kina: Oh…it's okay. Kari's sorry.

Kari: Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Iban: (sniffs) Okay…

Kina: Okay, I think it's time to wrap this up. (hands Iban free massage certificate) Say goodbye to Iban, everyone.

Everyone: Goodbye, Iban!

Karil: (waking up) Did I miss anything?

* * *

**A/N: So, there you have it. I'll try to update faster this time, too. Until then…review! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So…I got a couple complaints that Iban was "too emo". I'd like to tell everyone that he was not. You see, I'm thinking it wouldn't have been very entertaining if he was just kind of emo. Extremes work, people! So I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but I reserve the right to do whatever I want with the characters in my story. Thanks.**

**I hope that little note didn't put anyone off reading it. That would make me sad, since there's only a few people reading as it is. **

* * *

Kina: Hiya, peoples! Welcome back to-

(ceiling caves in)

Dharok: Oops.

Kina: AAHHH!!! WHAT DID YOU _DO_?!?!?

Dharok: Uh…I tried climbing on the roof. I fell.

Kina: The roof's gone… (whimpers)

Galaxy: Dharok! You've compromised our hostess's sanity!

Tylixe: What sanity? Did she seem sane to you?

Galaxy: Well…maybe not…But now she's even less sane.

Guthan: Excellent. Now she won't keep pestering us with questions.

Kari: Maybe she won't, but there's no reason we can't.

Guthan: (facepalm)

Kina: Who's going to pay for the roof?

Ahrim: Pay for it?

Kina: Yes, pay for it! We can't leave it like this! We'll get rained on!

Torag: I don't like the sounds of that…

Kina: Exactly. Someone needs to fix it. I don't suppose any of you know how?

Everyone else: (looks at each other) No.

Kina: Right. So we need money to call in a professional to repair it.

Kari: Ty's got some extra.

Tylixe: (glares) Kari!

Kari: Just saying.

Talenith: It _would_ be charitable of you, Tylixe.

Tylixe: So?

Galaxy: Don't you want to help out?

Tylixe: No.

Galaxy: Oh…

Ahrim: It doesn't matter. I can fix it.

Kina: You just said you couldn't!

Ahrim: I said I didn't know how to repair it. There's a difference.

Kina: No there's not!

Ahrim: Sure there is. I don't know how to fix a roof, but I can put it back together magically.

Kina: Oh. I see. Well, get to it then.

Ahrim: Fine. (gets to it)

_(Five minutes later)_

Ahrim: See? Good as new.

Kina: Excellent! Now we can get back to business as usual.

Six Brothers: (collective groan)

Kina: Don't be like that…Anyone have a question to start with?

Ahrim: How about 'Why are we still doing this?'

Kina: You shush. You're a participant, not a host. You don't get to ask questions.

Verac: (sighs) I miss the day we _did_ get to ask questions.

Torag: You just miss being able to threaten people with Clause Two.

Verac: (harrumphs)

(silence reigns for a few minutes)

Kina: Does _nobody_ have a question?

Kari: I guess not.

Galaxy: Well…That's sad.

(more silence)

Kina: Gosh, people. I'm disappointed.

Guthan: Maybe it's a sign that you should stop this pointless questioning of us.

Kina: Oh, don't be absurd. We'll think of _something_.

(a tad more silence, for flavor)

Talenith: …Or not.

Kina: _Well_. What now?

Galaxy: Let's do something wacky and strange to spice things up!

Guthan: I don't get it…How would that be different from what we normally do around here?

Galaxy: Um…(thinks for a minute) You know, I honestly don't know…

Karil: (runs into room, smoking slightly) Guys! There's a fire in the kitchen!

Ahrim: (facepalm) Don't tell me you tried _cooking_.

Karil: Uh…maybe.

Torag: Karil! Last time you did that you ruined the egg pan!

Tylixe: He did what?

Verac: He oiled the pan and left it on the stove to heat up a bit. Then he forgot about it. It was rather nasty.

Karil: That was an accident!

Guthan: So you've said.

Karil: It was!

Kina: Okay, let's just skip all this…What exactly is burning?

Karil: The stove.

Kina: The _stove_ is burning?!

Karil: Yeah. It's actually kind of…on fire.

Kina: (eyes widen) It's on fire?

Karil: (nods shamefully)

Kina: (runs out of room)

Talenith: This should be interesting.

Kari: Well, I guess that's one way to put it.

Kina: (from the kitchen) AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! KARIL!!!!!!!

(frantic sounds of fire extinguisher)

Karil: Oops.

Dharok: That's what I said earlier. Kina wasn't happy then, either.

Verac: I think she's having a rather bad day.

Galaxy: We should do something to improve it!

Guthan: Like what?

Galaxy: Like…um…breakfast in bed!

Ahrim: One, it's lunchtime, so that doesn't work. Two, I'm not really sure that would help her stress levels, what with the burning stove and all.

Galaxy: Hm…good point. (thinks) Aha! I've got it!

Tylixe: What?

Galaxy: We'll all be super nice and accommodating for the rest of the day!

(silence)

Galaxy: You don't like it?

Kari: I think it's a great idea, Galaxy. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure that everyone here could manage that.

Ahrim: Precisely.

Talenith: Oh, come on. Wouldn't it be awesome to see her face when we all start agreeing to everything she says?

Guthan: (snickers) She'll think the apocalypse is coming.

Tylixe: That does have the potential to be very interesting.

Galaxy: Right! So is everyone agreed?

Everyone else: (nods)

Galaxy: Excellent!

Kina: (reenters room) Karil, you aren't allowed within a hundred feet of the kitchen, okay?

Karil: Okay.

Kina: Good. Now, where were we?

Verac: I believe you were trying to figure out what we could do in place of questions, since no one could think of any.

Kina: Ah, yes. (thinks) I know! Let's turn on some music and boogie!

Everyone else: Okay!

Kina: Oh, uh…really?

Ahrim: Why not?

Kina: Um…

Tylixe: After all, it's not like we have anything better to do.

Talenith: And I bet we could all use the exercise.

Torag: It'll be fun!

Kina: Uh…Are you guys feeling alright?

Guthan: Sure! Why wouldn't we be?

Verac: (turns on stereo)

(music fills the room)

Ahrim: (blanches) It's the funky chicken…

Karil: Yup! It's great! (elbows Ahrim) Right?

Ahrim: Yeah…sure…

* * *

**A/N: He he. I feel evil for doing that to them all…**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: It's been a while, but here's chapter thirteen. Happy reading. =)**

* * *

Kina: I have an idea!

Ahrim: (cringes) Oh…really…

Kina: Let's go on a field trip!

Talenith: A field trip? This isn't elementary school.

Kina: No, but I think we all need some excitement.

Galaxy: We'd all love to go on a field trip, Kina. Right, people?

Rest of room: (reluctantly agrees)

Galaxy: See? When do we leave?

Kina: Now?

Galaxy: Right. Let's go.

Kari: Um…where are we going?

Kina: Uh…(thinks briefly) Karamja! I'll pay.

_(Fifteen minutes later)_

Kina: Er…which way to Port Sarim, again?

Tylixe: (points)

Kina: Right. I knew that. (heads in pointed direction)

_(Ten minutes later)_

Kina: (stops) I don't think I'm going the right way…

Tylixe: (points)

Kina: Ah, yes. (follows Tylixe's finger)

_(Twelve minutes later)_

Kina: Um, guys? I think we're lost…

Tylixe: (points)

Kina: Oh. Right. (walks that way)

_(Sixteen minutes later)_

Kina: Um…

Tylixe: Why the heck are you leading, Kina?

Kina: Because I'm the hostess?

Torag: Shouldn't we have been there like, twenty minutes ago?

Kari: Yeah.

Guthan: Kina keeps going the wrong way.

Tylixe: Okay, Kina, you're done. I'm leading.

Kina:…Fine.

_(Three minutes later, arriving at Port Sarim)_

Tylixe: And…voila. Port Sarim.

Kina: Yeah, yeah. (stalks toward docks)

Galaxy: Um…Kina?

Kina: What?!

Galaxy: (pointing) The docks are that way…

Kina: …… (turns around) Come on.

Dharok: (stops) What's that?

Verac: What's what?

Dharok: (points) That.

Verac: What?

Dharok: That!

Verac: What?!

Dharok: THAT!!

Verac: WHA- Oh. That.

Ahrim: (sighs)

Dharok: So what is it?

Torag: It's an inn. (squints at sign) The Rusty Anchor Inn, actually.

Dharok: Do they sell beer?

Torag: Probably.

Dharok: Can we have some?

Kina: Dharok, this isn't a drinking expedition.

Dharok: Huh?

Guthan: I would suggest you not use such large words when talking to Dharok. He was never good at vocabulary.

Kina: Ah. Sorry.

Dharok: So can we get a drink?

Kina: I…(sighs) Fine.

_(in the Rusty Anchor Inn)_

Bartender: What can I get you folks?

Kina: How many of you want something?

Dharok, Guthan, Verac, and Torag: I do.

Kina: Four beers then.

Bartender: Right-o. Coming right up.

_(Two minutes later)_

Bartender: Here you are.

Guthan: Thanks.

Talenith: That dude over there looks familiar. Do we know him?

Kari: Hm…I dunno…maybe.

Kina: (looks) Of course we know him, you dimwits! It's Iban! Hey, Iban!

Iban: (looks up) Oh. It's you. Hi.

Kina: Hi! How are things?

Iban: (shrugs)

Kina: I see…Oh, hey! You want to go to Karamja with us?

Iban: Why?

Kina: Because we're going, and you look lonely. You might as well come along, right?

Iban: I guess…

_(Ten minutes later)_

Kina: Here you go; three hundred and sixty gold.

Sailor: Great. Go right aboard. The ship will leave in about five minutes. You should arrive at your destination within twenty minutes.

Kina: Excellent, thank you!

Sailor: No problem, miss. Have a nice day.

Kina: You too! (steps aboard ship)

_(An hour later)_

Talenith: That was annoying.

Galaxy: Why?

Talenith: The captain was TWENTY MINUTES LATE! And then he got off course and wandered around the ocean for another TWENTY MINUTES! It was ANNOYING!

Kina: Yeesh, Tally. Calm down. At least we got here in one piece.

Kari: That's something to be grateful for, I should think.

Ahrim: So…we're here.

Kina: Yup.

Ahrim: What now?

Kina: Um…we wander?

Iban: Exciting.

Kina: Oh, don't be like that. Let's go.

_(Half an hour later)_

Tylixe: We've been wandering for thirty minutes now, and we've found nothing of interest. What's the point of this, exactly?

Kina: To see what there is to see. Stop complaining.

Verac: I wanna go see the volcano.

Galaxy: That sounds dangerous…

Kari: Not really. As long as you don't fall in, it's fine.

Kina: Let's go see it then!

_(Ten minutes later)_

Kina: (huff…huff…) That's one steep…(gasp)…volcano…

Ahrim: (wheeze)

Tylixe: You guys are wussies.

Torag: It's really not that bad.

Karil: (gasp)…Ahhhh…(falls over)

Iban: So…this is the volcano.

Kari: Yup.

Talenith: It's boring.

Tylixe: _You're_ boring.

Talenith: I am not!

Kina: This is a fun field trip. You are not allowed to bicker.

Talenith: Whatever.

Galaxy: Hey, there's a town down there!

Guthan: I believe that's Brimhaven.

Galaxy: Let's go check it out.

_(Ten minutes later)_

Iban: So…this is Brimhaven.

Kari: Yeah…

Verac: Look, it's a shop called the, uh…Shrimp and Parrot.

Galaxy: Weird. Let's go see it!

Ahrim: (sighs)

_(in The Shrimp and Parrot)_

Talenith: It's a fish shop.

Kari: It does seem to be, yes.

Talenith: What are we doing in a fish shop?

Dharok: I like fish.

Kina: Really?

Dharok: Yeah.

Kina: Let's eat, then. We need food at some point. Karil, can you go order us some fish, please?

Karil: Why me?

Kina: Because I randomly picked you.

Karil: But I don't want to.

Kina: What?

Karil: I don't want to go order. Someone else do it.

Kina: Okaaayyy…Galaxy.

Galaxy: Sure. (goes to order)

Guthan: Karil, you're an idiot.

Karil: …

_(Fifteen minutes later)_

Kina: So, how are you guys liking Karamja?

Iban: It's…islandey.

Kina: It _is_ an island.

Talenith: It's kind of boring.

Tylixe: _You're_ boring.

Ahrim: Not this again…

Verac: It's fishy.

Kina: Their argument?

Verac: No, Karamja.

Kina: Oh. Yeah, a little. Goes with being an island, I think.

Talenith: When are we leaving?

Kina: Who wants to?

Everyone else: (raises hand)

Kina: Oh. Now, then, I guess. (heads off, then stops) Actually, why doesn't someone else lead?

Tylixe: Well, at least you learn from your mistakes. (leads)

_(Two and a half hours later)_

Kina: Home, sweet home.

Ahrim: Hm…

Iban: It's not really sweet?

Kina: Hey, you're still here?

Iban: (shrugs)

Kina: Cool! Are you staying?

Iban: (shrugs)

Kina: Okay, then. Well, you can stay as long as you want.

Iban: Thanks.

Galaxy: I'd say that, overall, the field trip was an interesting, fun experience, and a good idea.

Kina: I'm glad you think so.

Talenith: It was boring.

Tylixe: Y-

Ahrim: Don't you dare, Tylixe. Twice was more than enough.

Tylixe: Huh.

Kina: Well, thanks for humoring me, guys. I'm glad we did that. Maybe tomorrow we can go to Feldip Hills!

Torag: Isn't that place infested with ogres?

Kari: Yes.

Everyone in room: KINA!

Kina: What?

* * *

**A/N: Reviews would be wonderful, what with my limited supply of them...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Surprise, surprise! Another chapter. It seems to have been about seven months...Yikes. Not that anyone is really reading this, but my apologies all the same. Here it is.  
**

* * *

Kina: (runs into room) Mail call!

Guthan: We get mail here? That's…odd.

Kina: (handing out letters) One for Galaxy…one for Torag…two for Verac, and…one for Iban.

Iban: I got a letter?

Kina: Yep.

Iban: Wow…(stares at letter) Someone actually likes me.

Kina: I'm sure lots of people like you.

Iban: (shrugs)

Kari: Who's your letter from, Galaxy?

Galaxy: My mom. She wanted to make sure I packed enough towels.

Kari: Towels? Why?

Galaxy: (shrugs) In case I decided to go swimming?

Kari: Weird.

Torag: Mine seems to be a bill…addressed to FriedHam38. Does anyone here know a FriedHam38?

Everyone else: No.

Torag: Hm. Well, he appears to owe the Varrock Cooking Guild twelve thousand gold pieces.

Guthan: Glad I'm not him.

Verac: Mine are fanmail!

Ahrim: _You_ have _fans_?

Verac: Sure. You don't have to sound so surprised. It's not _that_ strange.

Ahrim: Let me see. (grabs letters) 'Dear Verac…You are a complete moron who seems to be incapable of intelligent thought. I think your armor is ridiculous, and your mace is stupid and badly designed. I think you would be a talented ringmaster at the circus. Maybe you should apply at Balthazar Beauregard's Big Top Bonanza. Highest regards, pwnzome_turkey176.'

Verac: He called me talented.

Ahrim: I really don't think that was supposed to be a compliment.

Verac: Huh.

Kina: Hey, Iban, what's your letter say?

Iban: 'Dear Iban…It has recently come to our attention that you have left the Underground Pass. We would like to inform you that your attendance there is vital to the Underground Pass Quest, and we request that you return there immediately. Sincerely, The Kandarin Employment Agency.'

Kina: But…you have to leave?

Iban: They want me to.

Kina: Do _you _want to?

Iban: No.

Kina: I think we should have a word with them! Pompous, controlling ninnies…

Kari: I don't think they'll listen to you, Kina.

Kina: I DON'T CARE! He doesn't want to go back, he shouldn't have to!

Iban: That's nice of you, Kina, but I don't think they'll listen to you.

Kari: That's what I just said.

Kina: Does anyone know where this 'Employment Agency' is?

Dharok: It's in East Ardougne, in the castle.

Everyone: (stares at Dharok)

Dharok: What?

Ahrim: How did _you_ know that?

Dharok: Uh…I applied for a job once…

Torag: Really?

Dharok: Yeah…they rejected me, though.

Galaxy: Why?

Dharok: I, uh…I failed the IQ test…

Ahrim: (straight-faced) No way. Not _you_.

Guthan: (guffawing)

Kina: Right, people. We're going to Ardougne.

Karil: Why?

Kina: To talk to these employment people, obviously.

Karil: Oh…right…

Galaxy: Kina, are you sure that's a good idea? They're the authorities when it comes to employment.

Kina: So? Defying authorities is good for you.

Talenith: Only so often…

Kina: Right. Like now.

Kari: I'm all for defying the authorities, but how do you plan on changing their minds?

Tylixe: Who cares? Let's just bomb the place. Strength through chaos, after all.

Kina: Hm…I don't know…Might cause a bit too much ruckus.

Talenith: You were actually _considering_ it?

Kina: Sure. Could be effective.

Talenith: (stares at Kina) You. Are. A. Psycho.

Kina: Um…yes. What's your point, exactly?

Talenith: Never mind.

Kina: So…shall we go?

Iban: Why not just write them a letter?

Kina: Oh! That's a great idea, Iban! I think I'll do that…(gets pen and paper and scribbles out a letter) Excellent!

Ahrim: (grabs letter) 'Dear Employment Agency peoples…I am greatly displeased with your treatment of Iban. It is unpleasant, rude, and altogether too controlling. You should let him do whatever he wants. In fact, I would like to request that he work for me at my game show studio in Falador. With much indignity, Kina Kalamari.'

Kina: Yep. You like?

Ahrim: Well…

Kari: I'm not sure how effective it'll be, Kina.

Kina: Well, we'll find out. (runs to door) Hey, Postie Pete!

Postie Pete: (stops outside of door) What can I do for you, ma'am?

Kina: I need this letter mailed to the Kandarin Employment Agency in Ardougne, please.

Postie Pete: Of course, ma'am. (takes letter) Have a nice day.

Kina: You too! (comes back in)

Karil: How handy that he happened to be walking right past us.

Torag: Yep. Handy-dandy.

Kina: Handy-dandy-candy, all right.

Rest of room: (stares at Kina)

Kina: What?

Talenith: 'Handy-dandy-candy' isn't a word.

Kina: No, it's three words. Can't you count?

Talenith: Yes, I can, thank you! But 'handy-dandy-candy' is still a stupid thing to say.

Kina: Then why have you said it twice already?

Talenith: (stony silence)

Tylixe: Are we actually going to _do_ anything, or do you just plan to sit around all day arguing?

Kari: Ty's right. We should do something.

Ahrim: Such as…?

Kari: (shrugs)

Verac: Ooh, I know! I know! (raises hand eagerly)

Kina: Yes, Verac?

Verac: Let's visit our graves!

Rest of room: …

Verac: What? You don't like it?

Galaxy: I think it's more the way you said it, Verac. It just sounds really weird like that.

Verac: But it's true.

Kari: Yeah. Doesn't make it not weird.

Torag: I kind of like that plan, actually. We've never actually gone to see them.

Kina: Okey-dokey! We've got ourselves a plan. Let's go!

Tylixe: I'll get my spade.

_(Two hours later)_

Karil: (flops down on barrow) I'm so tired!

Guthan: Oh, come on, you wussy! It was just a bit of walking.

Karil: And there were those scary ghosty things in the swamp.

Galaxy: They weren't really that scary…

Iban: You want scary? You should see the Underground Pass. There's undead all over the place.

Karil: Ah!

Guthan: Wuss.

Kina: Come on, guys. Let's do this thing before we run out of daylight.

Tylixe: (digs into barrow)

Everyone: AAHHH! (falls in as the top collapses)

Kina: (picks self up) Right then. Here we are. (looks around) Kinda creepy down here.

Karil: Oh, look. It's a coffin thingy. (peers in)

Ghost Karil: (comes out) You dare disturb my rest!

Karil: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (hides behind rest of group)

Verac: But Karil, it's you.

Karil: (whimpers)

Ahrim: I believe this has already but said, but…Karil, you're a complete pansy.

Karil: I'm not a flower!

Ahrim: …That's not what I meant.

Ghost Karil: You dare disturb my rest!

Talenith: Didn't he already say that?

Torag: Uh…yeah.

Kina: Who programmed these things?

Torag: Programmed them? What do you mean?

Kina: Well, they're obviously not you…

Ahrim: Duh.

Kina: So that means they're some sort of hologram.

Dharok: Hollow what?

Kina: No, not _hollow_. A hologram. An image that's projected but isn't actually real.

Ahrim: An illusion. Like a spell.

Kina: Right. So who set these things up?

Guthan: Who knows.

Kina: You don't know? They're your graves!

Verac: So?

Kina: …

Ghost Karil: You dare disturb my rest!

Kari: Oh, shut up.

Ghost Karil: You dare disturb my rest!

Galaxy: Is that all it can say?

Kari: Seems that way. I think it may start getting annoying soon.

Tylixe: Isn't it supposed to attack us? For disturbing its rest or whatever?

Ahrim: Probably.

Tylixe: So why isn't it?

Kina: Maybe it's malfunctioning.

Karil: Make it go away…

Tylixe: We'd have to kill it to do that.

Karil: Then kill it! It's creeping me out. I'm not supposed to be purple, and see-through, and all…weird.

Tylixe: Fine.

_(Ten minutes later)_

Karil: I never want to do that again.

Guthan: Wuss.

Karil: I am not! Let's go over to your barrow and see how tough you are then.

Guthan: …I'll pass.

Karil: Wuss.

Guthan: (glares)

Kina: Is everyone done here?

Karil: (nods emphatically)

Everyone else: (looks at Karil)

Karil: Oh, stop it. Maybe I'm just tired. You ever think of that?

Talenith: That's not really likely. I think we all know what your problem is.

Karil: (sulks)

Iban: Are we leaving, then?

Kina: Looks like. (raises arm and points) Troops, move out!

Guthan: Um…

Ahrim: We're not your troops.

Kina: Never said you were.

Ahrim: We're not troops.

Kina: So?

Ahrim: So don't…(sighs) You know what, never mind. I think I'll give up trying to teach you common sense.

Kina: I'm sorry…Common what?

Ahrim: (facepalm)

Verac: Aren't we going home yet? I didn't bring any-

Everyone else: Pretzels.

Verac: …Yeah.

Kina: Yes, Verac, we're going home. (heads for the gate) Forward march! I wanna be home before dark.

* * *

**A/N: So if no one's holding a grudge for my lack of updates, reviews would be nice. =)**

**Oh, also, if anyone's username really is "pwnzome_turkey176" or "FriedHam38", I didn't mean to accidentally insert them into my fic. If there's really a problem with it, I'll change it.  
**


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